Privet Driveby
by wolfprincess2007
Summary: Wizards are gangbangers on muggle streets.The famed Trio is in an illegal firewhisky smuggling business. Things go well until they start to owe some dangerous people a lot of money. They do strange things in order to get out of debt. A rags to riches stor
1. Fig's House

Harry walked down the street of Privet Driveby. His pants which were too big for him hung to his knees purposely revealing his boxers. He wore a white tee and his wizards hat was tilted to the right side of his head. As he walked he held his pants up lazily which caused him to walk some what like he had a wedgie. An attractive muggle girl walked by him, he watched her attentively titling his head to get a better view of a lower area.

"Ay bay bay!" He called.

The girl turned to look at him and continued to walk away. He did not care _Another fine girl will walk by eventually_ he thought. He heard a rustle in front of him, a large boy, his cousin appeared in front of him.

"Dud, whachu doin up here in my terrirory?" Harry asked

"Mannn I jus walkin, ain't nothing wrong wit dat" Dudly replied rudely to Harry.

"Muggle, you best start showin me sum repect or Imma pop you where it hurt" Harry threatened Dudley.

"Ight man chill out. Imma jus pass by"Dudley trudged past Harry.

Harry had some business to take care of with Ron. They were in the firewhisky smuggling business together and Ron owed him galleons. The firewhisky was from Neville and it cost ten thousand galleons. Harry paid and was waiting for Ron to give him his half, but he never did. On Privet Driveby Harry stopped at Fig's house, which is where they were keeping the firewhisky, and where Ron would be. Harry approached the door: knock, knock, pop-pop-pop, bang, bang bang, knock, pop-knock-bang "Yo!" It was the password.

"Who thur?" Fig asked.

"Yo boy Harry Potter here, I know what is near, he tol me in my ear, the door u need to clear" as he rapped the last verse Fig opened the door.

"Ay Potter, whas crackin at Privet Driveby?" she asked.

"Man…Iss my cuzzin. He be sneakin round again" Harry complained.

"Get Ron on im thas his job" Fig suggested.

"Naw, I wanna kno what he up to" Harry told her. Harry smelt the air, it still smelt of cats, but now it smelt like cats and firewhiskey.

"Where da firewhiskey at?" Harry asked.

"Ahh…It up in da dining room, Ron an his gurl are there too" she told him.

"Ok…Imma go see it" Harry left Fig and went to the dining room where Ron and Hermione were waiting for him in the dining room.

"Ay H-Man!" Ron hollered to Harry.

"Ay Harry" Hermione greeted.

"Whuddup ya'll? Ron u got the five thousand gall?" Harry asked.

"Bout dat Harry…I used it on my crib" Ron said.

"Ued it on your crib, but man you already got a home an paid rent" Harry said.

"Naw…I use it on my baby crib" Ron said.

"You bought a five thousand gall crib!" Harry asked in shock.

"It not jus a crib! It a stroller, it play music, an it got spinners, the mobile even made upa pictures of our poor homeboy. Now Tupac on the mobile an he be floatin 'bove the baby head like a angel in heaven" Hermione said.

"Like a angel in heaven?" Harry asked. He was confused by her calling Tupoc in a mobile like an angel in heaven.

"It a simile, what u not pay attention in schoo" She asked.

"I know schoo. Cuz I now yur boy there owe me five thousand gall that he spent on a baby crib" Harry yelled at Hermione.

"Don talk like dat to my woman" Ron yelled at Harry "It not her business"

"Ya it is. She was too stupid to buy a crib wit you, the dang crib is worth moe than that baby" Harry barked.

"Chill man…I get the money" Ron said.

"Well have it by next week, or Imma make you sell dat crib" Harry threatened.

"Ight man!" Ron said. "C'mon baby lets bounce" He and Hermione disapparated.

Ron owed Harry five thousand galleons which was really for Neville who had sold them the firewhiskey in the first place. So if Ron did not pay Harry in time, Harry was toast.


	2. Family Life

After Harry's heated conversation with Ron he went back to his aunt and uncles house, or what was now his house. He walked into his house to be greeted by his hectic family.

"Baby, where you been?" Ginny asked Harry.

"I was takin care of business wit tha firewhiskey! That dang prat Ron spent his share uh tha money and now we owe Neville five thousand gall" Harry yelled furiously.

"Ay don' you come in here yellin an that, I tode you not to get in that business wit tha firewhiskey" she yelled.

"Hey babe chill out. I'm workin to get us some gall, for us" he tried to reason with her.

"If you wanna support us so much go get a job!" Ginny screamed.

"I do gotta job!"

"Well you can at leas spend some time wit your five kids" Ginny said.

"_My _five kids? Half those dang kids got blonde hair! You may got Five kids, but I only got two" Harry yelled.

"Thas cuz they babies! They har turn red later!" Ginny yelled. Harry realized what she said was true. "Thas right you know I'm right!" Ginny said.

"Well sorry babe I jus had a rough day" Harry said. "Ay Vernon!" Harry called his uncle.

Vernon was sleeping in the kitchen, he woke when Harry called him "What you want?" Vernon asked.

"Get me a buttabeer…an not that dang muggle beer budweezer o wutever you be drinkin, that stuff weak"

Vernon got Harry a butterbeer and passed it to him. Vernon fell back to sleep in the kitchen, he occupied a floor space next to the refrigerator. Harry was watching his uncle in disgust as he drank his butterbeer when Dudley came through the door looking satisfied.

"Where you been?" Harry asked.

"I wud walkin, aint nothing wrong wit walkin now is there?" Dudley asked stupidly.

"Ya Dud you jus watch yo back. I know you up to something. Tha next time I see u in the street,…you meet me in the street it's goin down" Harry warned him.

"I aint doin nothing!" Dudley said ,he marched to his cabinet under the stairs and shut the door.

"You guys lucky I even keep you in the house! I cou jus hire some house elves, a leas they get some work done!" Harry threw his butterbeer bottle at the wall, the glass shattered everywhere.

"Harry! Stop, you makin some drama, it was fine before you got home" Ginny scolded him.

"Fine, I'll stop! Where Headweave? I gotta send a letter to Dumbledore" he said.

"She in yur room" Ginny said.

Harry walked into his room where he found, Headweave, formally Hedwig, inside of her cage. He sat down and wrote a letter to Dumbledore, the official boss for the firewiskey smuggling business.

Yo, iss Harry,

Ron use tha five thousind gall ona crib, so we o Nevill. Tha firewhiskey errived an we r storin it at Figs house. I try to get the gall so that we can pay back Neville.

Tha Chosan Boy, Harry P.

"Ay gurl, some down an take dis to my boy Dumbledore's crib" Harry tied the letter to Headweave's leg and she took off into the night. Ginny came into the room.

"Babe, we nee to go to Dark Alley tuhmorrow so we can get tha kids books an stuff"she told him

"Ight… Which kids goin to schoo?" he asked "Snap, Crackle, an Pop"

"You don even know yur own kids names, you say tha names of the rice crispy dudes, yo kids are Pop, Lock, an Drop" Ginny said.

"Ah thas right" Harry said.

Ginny left the room and Harry fell asleep having nightmares of Neville chasing him down the street with a shank stick because he never paid his five thousand galleons. He dreamed of Dumbledore with his half moon stunner shades lecturing him about responsibility of running an illegal smuggling business. He slept soundly all night long…


	3. The Luvbottems

The following morning Harry, Ginny, Snap, Crackle, Pop, Lock, and Drop all went to Dark Alley to buy Pop Lock and Drop some school supplies. They were going to school at Pimpcourts School of gang crafts and debauchery. Here was the school list of supplies.

English to Gang Banger's Dictionary

Boys- How to get a Good Edge Up

Girls- How to get a Good Weave

The Encyclopedia to Jinx and Hex Rapping

Ancient Ghetto- Cracking the Code

Differences in Hood, Ghetto, and the Projects

We are not Trailer Trash

Ghetto vs. Ghetto Fabulous

"Look like Pimpcourt's finally ogt some decent books" Harry commented as he looked at Pop's list. "Ay Baby! Who tha new pimp daddy of Pimcourt's?" Harry yelled to Ginny.

"Ah…iss Hoe Chang" she called to Harry. "Member when Dumbledore retired an he leff it to her"

"I ruhmember" Harry said. He thought about his ex girlfriend, Hoe Chang, formally Cho Chang. He thought that her new name suited her very well.

"Ight c'mon Pop, Lock, an Drop lets bounce" Harry said getting the jar of Floo powder.

"Ay! Drop, u been getting high off the floo powder still?" Harry asked looking into the jar, it was half empty.

"Nah dad, I jus took some to sell a schoo" He showed his dad the powder in his pocket. "Kids'll pay dearly fo this stuff. I can get it fo five time the price" Drop told his father. "I wanna be jus like you dad, make muh gall just the way you did when you was small"

Harry instantly felt proud of his son. "Ight! You go off now an ruhmember to sen me sum of tha gall you get fo it" he said.

"Ight dad" Drop said.

"Less go to Dark Alley now" Ginny said.

In less than a minute they were all through the chimneys and in Dark Alley.

"Ya'll go off an find yur books, me an yo mama will be getting lunch" Harry told his kids.

Pop, Lock, and Drop hurried off to buy their school supplies and Harry and Ginny went to Tha Hood for some fried chicken and corn bread. When they arrived they saw Neville and Luna Luvbottem with their two kids Vanilla Ice and Eminem. Neither Neville or Luna wanted to give up their last names, so they made an agreement to put both of their names in. Harry thought about their last name for a moment and how unfortunate the kids were to have such a racy last name.

"My man H-Man!" Neville greeted Harry. "Wassup Gin?" he greeted Ginny.

"Hey Neville…ay homegurl" she greeted Neville then Luna.

"So…you got the stuff?" Neville asked Harry in undertone.

"Nah" Harry told him.

Neville looked furious, then he calmed himself.

"Be expectin me at yo crib after you get yo kids school supplies" Neville told him.

Harry was nervous beyond belief "Ight man" he said.

The Luvbottems left Tha Hood with Vanila Ice and Eminem. Harry was anxiously awaiting his meeting with Neville for the rest of the day. Neville had grown violent and aggressive over the years, he had gotten into the firwiskey smuggling business long before Harry and had grown quite popular.

It was Harry's goal to become better than Neville would every be, things seemed to be switched around. Before, he…Harry Potter was so much better than Longbottem, but now it was the other way around. He blew his fortune on betting on Hippogriff races. If Ron did not pay his amount, Harry was doomed and would have to take back his job teaching at Pimpcourt's, which would be torture under the rule of Hoe Chang, Pimpcourt's new pimpette mama…


	4. Losing Eggrolls

When Harry got home he immediately ordered Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley to clean the house for the arrival of Neville. They did as they were told as usual, but also as usual they did it unenthusiastically, not that it mattered to Harry. He treated them how they had previously treated him and it felt good for it to be the other way around. What would be better though was to live in a different house away from them though, which is why he needed to be successful in the firewhiskey smuggling business.

Neville apparated inside of Harry's home right on time as the last piece of trash was being put away. Harry sent his wife, kids, aunt, unle, and Dudley out of the room.

"So whas this about you don got muh money?" Neville asked. "Why you tell me you got ten thou gall but you don?" Neville asked.

"Nah man! I got five thousand gall…Ron waz supposed to have the other five thousand gall, but he used it" Harry told him.

"Used it o what?" Neville asked.

"A crib" Harry said dully.

"Wuh? I thought he already got a crib" Neville said.

"Iss not a house…iss a baby crib" Harry said quietly.

"WHAT?" Neville thundered "He spent my five thousand gall on a baby crib what the fuck was he thinkin?"

"I don know" Harry said.

They were quiet for a while, Harry knew that Neville was thinking up something to do to him…or to Ron…or to Hermione. All of a sudden Neville started laughing. Harry looked at him strangely.

"Man iss funny too funny. A five thou gall crib…is that the best you can think of?" Neville asked.

"Iss the truth man. They say it got spinners, a radio, an a Tupoc mobile" Harry told him.

Neville bust out laughing even harder. "Righ…righ man. Well you don got my five thou gall so I tell you what. IF you don got it by a week Imma personally make sure that neither you or Ron can have any more children…Which I know will be a favor to you anyways" Nevile told him.

"What-what are you going to do?" Harry asked. It was a stupid question.

"Nothin much…juss gonna chop off yur egg rolls" Neville laughed at his joke as he disapparated on the spot.

"Baby!" Harry called like a scared child.

"What? Wha did he say?" Ginny asked in a concerned expression.

"If I don got the money Neville's gonna come and chop off me an Ron's egg rolls" Harry told her.

"Whu? Chop off your egg rolls?" Ginny asked.

"He's gonna make sure we can't have any more kids!" Harry said frantically.

Ginny looked sick for a moment before she started laughing.

"Babe…iss not funny" he yelled at her. "Imma lose my manhood if I don get the money in time"

Ginny stopped laughing "Sorry Babe, it juss seems pretty ridiculus. An whu harm would it do to not have any mo kids"

Harry looked at her in disbelief "Are you sayin that I should get my manhood chopped off?" he asked.

Ginny shrugged her shoulders "There isn't much there to get chopped off in the firs place" she told him

"WHAT!!!" This was probably the most insulting thing he had ever heard. "Hell no you did not juss say that. Well maybe I will get it chopped off if you feel that way!"

"Babe…I'm juss kiddin!" Ginny said when Harry overreacted "You got a big damn eggroll ok? I'll help you get tha money…Ight?" she said.

"Ight Babe thanks" Harry said.

He kissed his wife passionately like when they were kids.

"Ewwww…" said a small voice behind them.

Harry and Ginny looked behind them their youngest, Snap was standing there.

"C'mon honey go to bed" Ginny said picking her daughter up and bringing her to her room.

Harry stood in the livingroom remembering when he was back in school. Remembering how wizards had to hide from muggles, now muggles were ruled by wizards. Muggles did not stand a chance in the first place, they never did.

Harry sat down and wrote a letter to Ron.

Ron,

I jus talk to Neville. Man he pissed that you don got his money. Get his money by next week or else Neville says that he's gonna chop off your manhood, ability to hve children, eggroll you get the picture.

The Chosen Boy

Harry P.

"Headweave!" He called to Headweave, she flew down to him. "Take this to Ron" He put the letter on her leg and she flew off.

He thought about what life would be like if he did not get the money in time. What would it be like not to have an eggroll?


	5. Earning Galleons

The next day Harry woke up and the first thing he did was make sure that his eggroll was still intact. He looked next to him, there were two letters for him, one from Ron and the other from Dumbledore.

He first read the one from Ron.

H-Man,

Man I don want to lose my manhood! I try to get the money as fas as I can ight? Imma get a job at The Three Magic Sticks (Three Broomsticks), iss an ok job I guess. Imma come over layer so dat we can talk bout it.

Ron

Harry got the letter from Dumbledore and read it .

Ay Chosan Boy

You betta get that gall tuh Neville cuz he ain't gonna be so happy bout dat. I'll give yall bout 2,000 gall but thas as much as I can give u. I'll sum by layer to see you bout tha gall

Peace,

Dumbledore

Harry turned Ginny over who was still sleeping.

"Babe! Wake up!" He said.

She moaned "Naw honey…I ain't in tha mood" she said.

"Not that !" Harry said. "Ron an Dumbledore are gonna be comin over, get reddy, iss important" He said.

Ginny muttered something that Harry could not hear and got out of bed.

About fifteen minutes later…CRACK… Dumbledore appeared in the house. This caused Pop, Lock, and Drop to run away. Dumbledore had a dramatic appearance.

He was wearing a hippogriff skin coat that was full in his body lengh, his beard was still white, and his blue eyes were hidden by his half moon stunner shades.

"Wass up my man?" he said to Harry " I gotcha money.

"Ight…thanks man" Harry said thankfully, the still had to earn 3000 more galleons.

"By tha way you gotta pay me back after you get it to Neville…I need that" Dumbledore went CRACK and disappeared from view.

Ron came a few minutes later, he looked pale, very very pale.

"Ay man? Wass wrong" Harry asked.

" I made some money juss now…I sold-…I sold" he was stuttering and he looked shaky.

"Wha'd you sell?" Harry asked.

"I got 2,500 gall off it. I sold my blood and a kidney" Ron said.

"Damn! You sold yo kidney!" Harry exclaimed.

"Yeah man… I had to" Ron said.

"Well Dumbledore-" Harry started to say.

"Iss DumbleHOR now, dint you see tha paper?" Ron asked.

"Oh…well Dumblehor gave us 2000 gall so all we need now is 500 moe" Harry said.

Ron looked relieved "Ight man…I gotta idea"

"What?" Harry asked.

"I was talkin to a hooka…naw I wasn't gonna pay foe her services…I can get dem free..you know what I'm sayin..you know-"

"Ron shut up an get on wit it!" Harry yelled.

"I was asking her how much she charged an she said about 200 gall" Ron said.

"Ron! You knoe our girls won dig dat…And I don wan no otha man near my woman! An you! Hermione jus had a baby are you crazy?" Harry was shocked at Ron.

"Naw man…not tha girls…trust me I don wanna take the chance of havin anotha kid around…and you sure don need anotha one neither" Ron said looking at Harry's five kids who were watching them talk.

"Ay! Ya'll go in yo rooms!" Harry told his kids. They walked off disappointed. "So what are you sayin?"

"I'm sayin you can be a male prostitute" Ron said.

"HELL NO!" Harry shouted so loudly that what little of blood Ron had left rushed to his face.

"C'mon…people pay good gall to be gettin some...especially from tha Chosan One" Ron tried to convince Harry.

"No way man! An this is yo idea, why can't you do it?" Harry asked Ron.

"Man I jus gave my blood, so I'm not exactly in fit shape to go wandering the streets in clear heels an fish net stockins"

"And you know damn well it aint gonna be me neitha….there's betta ways of getting five hundred gall in six days" Harry said.

"Like what?"


	6. Gnome Plan

"Steal what? From who?" Harry asked Ron. "You crazy man"

"Na H-man juss hear me out…" Ron pleaded.

Harry gulped down the remainder of his firewhiskey and slammed the cup to the table "ight man…you got a minute…Go!"

"K…you know how all dat crazy ole lady got like a fuckin shitload of gnomes in hur front yard and garage right?" Ron said.

Harry nodded his head "Yeah…yeah…"

Ron looked serious "So I wuz thinking ya know…she leaves her house at 4pm tull 7pm everyday…so we got plenty a time to steal dem gnomes"

Harry gave Ron a disgusted look…then said sarcastically "Gee Ron what a GREAT idea!!! Just what we need a, fukkin shitload of sum crazy ole woman's glass midgets"

Ron frowned "Naw man we sell dem…Fiddy bucks a piece…an we will still have money left over to pay back Dumblehore…and money for ourselves" Ron looked brightly at Harry, but Harry still was not convinced.

"Dunt you ever wunder how life wuld be for you if you got enough oxygen at birth?" Harry laughed at his own joke, but Ron frowned.

"Damnit Harry! Dis aint a joke!" Ron started to say…

"Yea Ron dis ain't a joke so cum up wit a better plan otha den selling gnomes or me becummin a male prostitute" Harry sneered at Ron "Ay Gimme anotha firewhiskey!" he yelled to the bartender.

"Harry! I'm doin dis unless you can cum up wit a better plan by 4pm, cuz when dat ole lady is gone…I'm goin in" Ron slammed his fist on the table like Harry did.

Harry drank the firewhiskey up in seconds. "Fine!" He yelled "I'll help you do it, but if you screw dis up-" he began to threaten.

Ron almost died from Harry's breath "It's a damn good plan dunt you worry Harry" Ron ensured him.

"It'd better be" Harry said.

"Yea…it's a plan as strong as yur breath…now lets get home before the girls worry about us" Ron said helping Harry get up, for he was really drunk.

Harry was still totally leaning on Ron "Damn! U shouldn't aparate in this condition lets steal that guys car..he lef dem keys in" Ron said.

"Yea man!" Harry smiled and breathed into Ron's face "He's got a CHEVV…ROLLET. Ron what the fuck is a Chev Rolet?

"Dats pronounced SHEV-ROE-LAY" Ron enunciated to Harry "Man you really are drunk"

"Den how cum day spell it C-H-E-V-R-O-L-E-T-T-E, Chevrolette" Harry asked.

"I dunno…" Ron was getting frustrated "Never mind…let's just walk home huh?"

"Uh-huh right then" Harry replied leaning on Ron's arm.

It was not that long of a walk, but it was tiring, at least for Ron. They were heading up the driveway to Harry's house when Ron felt something wet land on his arm.

"What the fuck!" he exclaimed looking at Harry. Harry had fallen asleep and was drooling all over him. Nevertheless Ron still dragged him into the house.

"Hay Ron!" Ginny greeted him, not seeing Harry at first "Oh my-" she gasped as she saw Harry "WHAT DID YOU DO!?" she shouted.

Ron was startled, so startled that he dropped Harry. THUMP. The limp body fell onto the floor "I ain't do nuthin sis! He got drunk all by himself"

Ginny did not even look down at Harry, but still continued to glare at Ron "What! You can't even stop him from drinkin himself till this state! What's wrong witchu?"

"Ay! I was jus tryin to help thas all! That's all I ever try to do 'round hur, but do any of ya'll ever thank me…NO!" Ron was growing frustrated…he opened the door and prepared to leave.

"Fine…fine…Thank you so much brotha for bringin home my passed out drunken husband" Ginny said sarcastically.

"Well…your welcome! And I ain't gonna do it again either!"

"Boy don't you talk to me like dat! I'll bitchslap dat grill outta yur mouth" Ginny threatened.

"You ain't the boss of me…yur my lil sis and don't you forget dat!" Ron said awkwardly.

Suddenly…Harry awoke and jumped to his feet.

"Don't you talk to my baby-mama like dat…I don't care if you my homeboy or not" Harry poked his finger into Ron's chest.

Ron poked Harry back "Punkass don't you touch me!"

Harry poked Ron again. Ron poked Harry. Then Harry poked Ron again.

"Alright enough!" Ginny snapped. They both stopped and withdrew their fingers.

Harry stepped towards the open door "Man I'm outta here!'

"Harry wait!" called Ron.

Harry was just heading out the door, he turned around to face Ron. "What do you want?" sneered.

"You live here" Ron reminded Harry.

It took Harry a second or two to get it "I knew that!" He walked back into the house.

"Man I'm outta here!" Ron imitated Harry, he walked out of the house. He turned around "So be at my house by 4 so that we can go gnome huntin kay?"

"Yea ight" Harry told him. "See ya"


	7. PLEH

"Damnit Ron stop breathin so fuckin loud!" Harry yelled to Ron who was hiding in the bush next to him. They were in front the gnome lady's house.

"I can't help it Harry! I'm nervous…and that lady isn't even home, she can't hear us" Ronyelled back to Harry.

"Ay dis was your idea in the first place and you ain't gonna back outta it now!" Harry called towards Ron's bush.

"Ight man I know" Ron exasperated "K I'm gonna go get the gnomes…you ready?"

Harry looked to his left and right "Yea man…I'll break into her backyard so that we can sort out the gnomes.. and I got the brooms for our getaway"

Ron called to Harry again "Ight on the count of three…ONE…TWO-"

Harry interrupted "Let's just go on two"

"Why two?' Ron asked.

"Cuz" said Harry "It's faster"

"Yea a second faster" Ron tried to reason.

"But still man we could already be stealing them now if we went on two!" Harry said frustrated.

"Shit Harry! I could've counted to three like 15 times with all this talk about two!" Ron snarled at Harry.

"Oh shut up man!" Harry called.

"Ight…ONE-TWO-"

"Wait so we're goin on three?" Harry interrupted once more.

"JUST GO!" Ron barked.

They jumped out of the bushes and Ron fell smack on his face as Harry ran towards the fence to break into the backyard. Ron scrambled to get up and grabbed two gnomes…they were surprisingly heavy!

Harry finally reached the fence…but there was no way into the backyard…so he had to run to the other side. He saw run struggling with the two gnomes.

Ron heaved the gnomes a few steps and stopped for a break…for things that were supposed to be hollow they sure were heavy. He still had about 50 more gnomes to carry and he was already worn out.

"Ron what the hell?" Harry yelled "You are a wizard use some fucking magic!"

"Oh right!" Ron realized. He charmed the gnomes and sent them flying nicely into the backyard. He did this until all of the gnomes were over the fence.

He ran to the open gate and went into the backyard where Harry was busy loading the gnomes into a huge trunk. They heard a car in the driveway.

"Ron you said she wouldn't be home for hours!" Harry sent a few more gnomes flying into the trunk.

"She must be early" said Ron helping Harry get the gnomes into the trunk…they were nearly finished.

They heard someone running through the house…the footsteps were getting louder and closer to them…

"We'll never have time to tie the trunk to the brooms" Ron told Harry as he shut the lid to the trunk.

"I know! I know" Harry was out of breath and his chest was heaving up and down frantically...he was not about to leave all the gnomes behind

"What are we gonna do?" Ron was bright Red in fear and exhaustion.

"Ok" Harry said…an idea came to him "I know it'll be hard, but it's the only thing that we can do…that might work!"

"What?" Ron asked.

"It's a heavy load…but together we can aparate it home"

"OK! OK!" Ron grabbed one side of the trunk and Harry grabbed the other. The lady was turning the doorknob to her backyard.

"NOW!" Harry shouted.

CRACK! They aparated and then CRACK BOOM! They landed.

Harry was still hanging onto the trunk…he was holding on so tight that his hand had turned pink He heard Ron moaning in pain on the other side of the trunk.

"Man you ight?" He called.

"Where the hell are we?" Ron asked.

Harry looked around and wondered the same thing. They were in a great big open field…it would have been beautiful if they had not been in such a ridiculous predicament. They both stood up and looked around…nothing to be seen.

"Where are the brooms?" Harry asked…They had forgotten them in the backyard. "SHIT!" Harry shouted.

"Dis is all your fault!" Ron pushed Harry down.

Harry was taken aback for a moment but stood up and pushed Ron…Ron stumbled a couple steps "How is dis my fault…you are the stupid fool who wanted to steal gnomes in da first place!"

"Well" Ron said still glaring " If we would have gone on THREE the firs time and not spent so much time talking about goin on two…we would have had enough time to go"

Harry angrily stepped towards Ron, but Ron did not back up "Yea well if you remembered that you were a wizard then you would been able t get those damn gnomes over the fence faster"

Ron got in Harry's face "You weren't even in the backyard yet…even if I had gotten them over there faster…you wouldn't be there to put them in the trunk!"

"Don talk to me like dat Ron!"

Ron poked Harry in the chest Then don talk to me like dat!"

"Don't poke me bitchass" Harry poked Ron again.

"Then don't poke me" Ron poked Harry.

Soon they were in that poking war again.

"OKAY OKAY ENOUGH" Ron shouted at Harry. "Damn dis solves nothing and we're both getting bruised" he said rubbing his arm.

"Yea…your right" Harry agreed " We shuld go look foe help"

"but I don wanna be haulin dat shit around" Ron said looking at the trunk.

"One of us can go…and the other will look after the trunk" Harry suggested.

"Yea…"

"I'll go look" Harry volunteered.

"Ight" Ron said sitting down next to the trunk.

Harry searched everywhere, but all he saw was grass and trees. He traveled as far as he could without getting lost, but there was nothing, just the meadow, so he decided to return to Ron. He turned and started to head back. After a while, Ron stated to come into view…and soon he saw that all of the gnomes were spread all over the grass. Ron appeared to be fine…he was simply walking around the gnomes and looking into the sky once in a while. Harry got closer and realized that the gnomes spelled out a word, but he was too far to read it. Finally he was back "Ay Ron!" He greeted "I culdn't find anything" he informed him.

"Iss alright" Ron said "Look what I did!" Ron said looking at the gnomes and admiring them.

Harry read what the gnomes spelled out. PLEH. What was PLEH?

"Ron what the fuck does PLEH mean?" Harry asked still looking at the gnome's formation.

Ron laughed…"Oh Harry…honestly sometimes I forget that you aren't as smart as I am"

Harry gave Ron a confused expression "PLEH?" he asked.

"Yes…P-L-E-H or PLEH is HELP spelled backwards" Ron said proudly.

"Why backwards?" Harry asked.

"Why? So that the helicopters can read it in the air" Ron told him.

Harry sighed and wondered how to explain Ron's mistake. "Ron…hand me that branch next to you"

Ron picked up the branch and gave it to Harry. Harry held it in his hands for a moment and smacked Ron in the head with it.

"What was that for?" Ron exclaimed.

"For being an idiot!" Harry told him.


	8. American Dollars

"You want to hear a good idea Harry

"You want to hear a good idea Harry?" Ron asked.

"No," Harry replied sarcastically.

Ron continued anyhow. "I was thinkin' that we should apparate separately with the gnomes into my house."

"Hay Ron! That is a pretty crunk idea," Harry commented.

After the had gotten all the gnomes into Ron's house, Hermione came in. Harry's mouth dropped. She was wearing tight leather shorts and a basketball jersey.

"What the hell is this?" Ron and Hermione asked each other at the same time.

"Why you dressed up like that?" Ron demanded.

"Why the fuck are there a hundred gnomes in my damn living room?" Hermione ignored Ron's question.

"We stole 'em from a neighbor. We're sellin them," Ron told her quickly. "Now you gotta explain all this!" Ron looked Hermione up and down. "Where are you goin?"

"What's so wrong wit this?" Hermione looked down at herself. "Do you got a problem with my clothes?"

"Yes I gotta fuckin problem with your clothes. You look like a damn ho. Go change!" Ron told her furiously.

Hermione gave him a piercing look that told Ron that he had crossed the line. "I know that you did not just call me a damn ho!" She smacked him, leaving red fingerprints on his face. "I thought you liked these clothes. You sure pay more attention to the tramps that wear clothes like these. I just thought that maybe I'd dress up nice for you!"

Ron looked guiltily at Hermione. "Sorry babe."

"Sorry don't cut it!" Hermione screamed it him. She turned around to leave, but turned back around. "When I get back here I want all these damn gnomes gone!"

She stomped away in her clear heels and slammed the bedroom door.

"Someone is sleepin in the yard wit Fluffy tonight," Harry teased him.

"Shut up!" Ron snapped. "Let's bring these to your place," he suggested.

Harry hesitated, but agreed. "Fine."

They aparated all the gnomes into Harry's living room. Just as they got the last gnome inside, Ginny aparated in the kitchen. "Harry?" She asked.

"Hi babe!" Harry exclaimed awkwardly, not knowing how Ginny would react to the gnomes.

Ginny walked into the living room, giving her husband and brother skeptic looks. "What's going on?"

Harry quickly explained their money crisis to her. When he was done, Ginny still did not look convinced.

"Get this shit out," she told him.

"But-"

"Now!" Ginny ordered. She picked up a gnome, but Ron tried to take in from her. "Damn these things are heavy."

"Let go!" Ron told her. "These are our gnomes."

"This is my house!" Ginny argued as she pulled the gnome back.

Harry watched them, half with amusement and half with horror as these two adult siblings fought over a rather heavy and breakable gnome.

"You're-going-to-break-it," Ron stammered as he tried to pry the gnome from Ginny's surprisingly strong clutches.

The gnome fell to the ground in an ear splitting smack. But, to all their surprises, not only glass spilled to the ground. Rolls and wads of American dollars spilled all over the floor.

Ron picked up a wad of hundreds, examining it. "Why did she weigh the gnomes down with all this green paper? Their heavy enough."

"It's American muggle money!" Harry exclaimed, grabbing some more wads. "The gnome lady meant business!"

"All this is muggle money?" Ginny asked.

"Yes!' Harry exclaimed excitedly. "You know what that mean?"

"What?"

"We're gonna be fuckin rich!"


End file.
